Did You Know…?

Allow me a few minutes to ramble, if you will, to explain why I write this blog.

A medical scare for my husband about 5 years ago brought forth a sense of urgency in him to get on with life.  Being the great adventurer that he is, he wanted to buy an RV and start exploring this beautiful country and others.  For Terry, hiking, biking, kayaking, being out in nature, is where he feels most in touch with his higher power.

Enter me, the other half of this couple, the one always driven, the classic workaholic – although I too love nature, exploration, and staying fit.  The whole RV thing took me a while to wrap my head around.  Not only would I be retiring earlier than many (age 54), but living in a 38 foot home-on-wheels with my husband left me wondering…would it bring us closer or push us apart?  I also wanted this to be a time in my life when I slowed way down and got to know me far better.  The big question – could I actually do this?  Terry was worried whether this driven personality of mine could handle early retirement.  Well, the verdict is in.  I love it, love Terry more, and feel blessed to be able to get to know LuAnn better.

Immediately following retirement we headed back to Sedona, where we had a home, to visit one of my closest friends Barb, truly my anam cara (soul friend). It seemed the perfect place to begin this journey, alongside Barb.  You see, she was critically ill for many years and we all knew her days were numbered.  A talented artist and musician, it seemed the more physically ill she became, the more her spirit grew.  The lessons she taught those fortunate enough to know her came at an increasingly rapid pace.  Her passing about 1.5 years ago left a huge hole in my soul,  but memories so rich they will last a lifetime.  She taught me to follow my passions as she did up until her death at age 53 – still creating beautiful works of art on her computer with only her big toe, as she had ultimately lost the use of her arms.

Our first year was spent in Mexico and this blog was initially started as a way to keep family and friends informed of our whereabouts.  We got the sense that many thought we were being chased throughout Mexico by the drug cartels (lol) but, like others who have ventured SOB,  we found a culture rich in family and history.  The interior of Mexico and its colonial cities is breath-taking. Unfortunately,  border town strife and over-the-top media attention has, for the most part, given Mexico a bad rap.

Our year in Mexico ended; we said via con Dios to a beautiful country; and moved on to explore our native homeland, the US.  We have found jaw-dropping beauty along the way and met some wonderful folks that we feel blessed to call friends.  What I never imagined, however, was the impact my blogger friends would have on my life.  The talent I have uncovered by so many of you leaves me speechless and a bit vulnerable, I might add, as I prepare to enter your world.  The message drummed into my head at a very early age of “not good enough” has floated back in a time or two,  but I forcefully push it aside.  So, without further adieu and to finally stop the rambling, I give you my first attempt at baring my soul through poetry.  My blogger friend Penny of the why about this, one of the most inspirational blogs I have come across, gave me the final nudge I needed.  Thank you my friend. 🙂  Here it is, short and not always so sweet (think of Sylvia Plath meets Maya Angelou):

Did you know…? 

Did you know your troubled past

bled into our lives too?

Little fingers clutching a mother,

tear-stained faces telling the tale.

A mother’s grief reflected in our eyes.

~

Did you know the shame I claimed for my own,

the price a child pays for that trauma?

Was this your shame as well,

a cycle repeated? 

~

Did you know I stood at the precipice,

staring into the abyss,

willing the alluring darkness to take me,

pulling back from the edge at the last? 

~

Did you know when I learned of your passing

I felt only emptiness,

the darkness calling to me once more?

A repeat performance for my eyes only.

Did you know you took my childhood

but I refused to give you more?

I shouted to the heavens,

“I choose happiness, compassion, love,

the wonder in each day…

Life.”

We did not speak of the pain,

the loss,

the scars that seemed to never heal.

Nevertheless, I forgave you.

~

Did you know?

© LuAnn Oburn 2012

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51 thoughts on “Did You Know…?

  • That was a beautiful poem, Lu, and those who know you, know what it was about. I love your strength and admire that you continue to work so hard to keep your life happy and stable. You are such a wonderful role model, and I will thank you forever for being a friend from whom I can continue to learn.

  • Lu. I loved this. I have so enjoyed all of your blogs. You have always been great at expressing yourself through writing. Please keep sharing. Miss you bunches!

  • Oh my. You just don’t even dance, do you. I’ve just witnessed someone walk into the ring, grab Poetry by it’s scrawny little neck and slam it to the mat in one of the swiftest, most lethal take-downs ever. That sound we all heard was the entire collective Poetry community, with one voice saying … “Oh s**t.” Awesome.
    Hey, if you find yourself with a little time on your hands, why don’t you give a little thought to that whole “World Hunger” thing. I’m sure you could knock that out before lunch. I mean, since you’re just being amazing and stuff …

    • Well my dear friend, you do have a way with words. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have you comment on this particular post as it was difficult for me to push that publish button. As far as the “World Hunger” thing goes, I will work on that after I take the time to tell you what a beautiful spirit you have. I have always told you that you could be a stand-up comic (and you certainly could), but there are so many layers to you, such depth. Don’t know how many people you have allowed to see this and I feel blessed to be one of them. Working with you was great; getting to know the man was so much better! 😀

    • Thanks so much Tammy! Given how many wonderful writers I have come across, it can be a little intimidating. On another subject, I so hope you find the food combination that is going to work for you and bring you the best of health. 🙂

    • Thanks Ingrid! If it hadn’t been for a comment made by another blogger, I may still be sitting here with that poem unfinished. I started it so so long ago and felt inspired to finish it finally. 🙂

  • Thank you, thank you, LuAnn. That poem speaks to my heart. You put into words things that I have felt.. and you’ve given me food for thought. Thank you.

    • Julianne, as I sit here with tears in my eyes, I feel so humbled by your comments. I started this poem many many years ago and just set it aside. Thanks to a little nudge by a blogger friend, I felt compelled to finally finish it. I’m pleased it spoke to you. 🙂

  • Nina did a poetry post as well before and I was floored on how multifaceted you all are. I can imagine what RV-ing brings. It gives you those moments of collecting thoughts and contemplating life while seeing magnificent views of the places you visit.

    Wonderful words, LuAnn. You’ve given us so much. Glad to have come across your blog. It is nice following your RV. Glad to know you.

    Hope you have more “knowing yourself” moments. I hope for Terry’s good health. Have a great continuing life. Have fun and travel safe.

    Regards, Rommel

  • Oh LuAnn, that was so beautiful and deeply moving. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts in such eloquent words. Here’s to more beautiful poetry and happiness always 🙂

  • Very heart touching. It made me emotional, which is very rare. I am glad to meet you though blogging. Thanks to blogging, so many talented and wonderful are now part of one community. Lots of good wishes for you, LuAnn. 🙂

    • Given the beautiful writer you are Arindam, I am deeply touched by your comment. Thank you and I am honored to have met you through this wonderful community. 🙂

  • I-am-crying! LuAnn, you and your poetry has so touched me. Yes for years of being so damn alone often in life because nobody looked a little deeper, about what I might need only what I could give, it made me strong but a part of myself was so alone always being brave, for others. Your poem is a gift of beauty, words of inspiration and your moving life experiences for all to read, your other commenters are correct, how very gifted you are my very dear friend, how very gifted. And how lucky I am to have met you, the you that is emerging. I for one Welcome ‘you’ with open arms! Penny

    • Now you have me crying, tears of joy that our blogger paths have crossed. Seriously, you have given me the nudge to allow others in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🙂

      • Truly you are welcome, I meant my words to you. This blogging world is allowing both myself and you to be who we are “fully” inside because we are being embraced by other bloggers who are just like us at the same time. So completely wonderful for us! And reallllly healing and healthy. I send my love to you LuAnn, enjoy this beautiful day today, Penny 🙂

      • Funny, when we started this journey I was writing a travel blog, and I still am, but I secretly hoped for me this would be about finding more about me. With your help and others, I feel my wings beginning to unfurl. Who knows what is to come next? All I know is I like it! Blessings to you today my friend 🙂

  • Oh LuAnn…this was so incredible and clear to me you have overcome some obstacles of your own during your journey. What an amazing piece of poetry — very very touched to read it — Blessings and Love to you and yours !! xo Robyn

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