Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. ~ Rabindranath Tagore
For those who may not know, 4.5 years ago my dear hubby Terry received the news that many of you can relate to, the “you have cancer” message. To say this news took the wind out of our sails is an understatement. We quickly began to unravel our plans to start our RV life as the future looked rather uncertain at this point. Through divine grace, a mother’s keen recommendation for a must-have book, a close friend’s referral and unselfish gesture of taking us into their home post-surgery to heal, and the countless well-wishes of family and friends, we feel much stronger and wiser.
If a man is faced with this diagnosis, prostate cancer may be the lesser of many evils as most times it is a slow-growing cancer found in one’s “golden years” and it is left alone. Unfortunately, Terry was informed he was too young and the tumor too large to ignore, so surgery seemed to be the best option. Blessed with none of the horrid side-effects this disease can hand you, Terry donned the Lance Armstrong LiveStrong bracelet and vowed to wear it until he had reached the “industry standard” survival rate of 5 years.
Fast-forward 4 years, through many anxious moments following regular PSA tests. All had great results until this past January when Terry’s PSA score was somewhat elevated. Once again we unraveled our plans as it seemed bone scans and MRI’s were in Terry’s near future and we felt the need to sit tight where there was a plethora of excellent medical facilities.
Last week yet another PSA test. I try to put myself in Terry’s shoes as he leaves the lab and begins the waiting game. Although I can empathize and pray for a good outcome, putting myself in his shoes is not possible, for this is his personal journey to walk. We all have these, being unique individuals, and face life’s obstacles differently. Terry knows I am by his side and for me, that is what is important.
Terry’s latest PSA score was the same as the previous two, which means he has held steady for the past nine months. The good news – the number has not increased. The not-so-good news – the number is still somewhat elevated, which means there is something going on. This “something going on” could be benign or could be something else; we don’t know. The doctor is confident enough that he feels the watchful waiting can continue for another 6 months.
Many who now live with cancer or consider themselves survivors wear the Live Strong bracelet, as did Terry, until a few days ago when his broke. Ironically the break occurred while anxiously awaiting a return call from his doctor on the lab results. His first thought was “wonder what that means?”. My initial reaction was “you no longer need this; it’s time to move on”.
Terry and I often talk about how deeply grateful we are for the ability to experience life as we are, seeing this magnificent country, walking in nature, feeling the hand of something greater touching us. We can dwell on the ‘something else’ or we can live in the present moment. It is our choice and we choose to live the now. Terry chooses to breathe in the beauty around him, the sights, the sounds, the smells, the people we are meeting along the way. I choose the same, as I walk by his side.
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